That fucking moment when you realize you're fucking alone, and if you decide to speak to the only person you really want to talk to you'll just end up fucking yourself in the ass...
Funny how that shit works, you are miserable up until you have that thought of that certain someone, then you’re happy for those few seconds, but then go back to feeling infinitely worse when you’re done daydreaming about them and you just feel like an endless pit inside of you that no amount of daydreams can fill, only the actual presence of that someone would help. Fuck man it’s unfair sometimes how shit works out. Humans live too short of lives to be born without a partner… We shouldn’t have to spend half of our lives looking for our better halves, it would be so much better to be born knowing who your soulmate is, and more shit would get done, less crimes would be committed, shit even time travel would’ve been discovered cause if you were to add up all the wasted time it would be thousands of years of wasted evolution…. But whatever yo.
Fuck you. Fuck you for having fun in the Caribbean. Fuck you for posting a picture you know I'd absolutely love because I fucking know you remember me telling you how much I loved your smile and the way your fucking hair did that careless thing. Fuck you foreal.
I am honestly so much more content sitting in my room alone at night smiling to myself as I watch my favorite t.v. shows, than out in in uncomfortable situation that involves me pretending to be having the time of my life with boring people, who don’t care about me, doing pointless things.
There’s nothing left for me to do, like I can’t talk to anyone about this because it would do absolutely no good, and it is honestly something that would benefit no one. Not even me. Even the mentioning of this topic to anyone would have horrible consequences, so it’s just best to keep it to could myself. Use it as a sick kind of motivation. Make it some kind of game. Wait what the fuck am I even saying anymore?
I’m just sad right now okay? And I tomorrow is just another day of pretending that I’m alright. goodnight.